Category Archives: Displays of wit

Fortunate or otherwise

The Editor wishes all his readers as tolerable a new year as might be expected, and ventures to share the following startling predictions, penned by an acquaintance who is more or less talented in the art of prophecy.

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PREDICTIONS FOR JANUARY

(Not by Murphy.)

  1. The first day of the new year. Good for marriages, if they turn out well.
  2. Secundus. If foggy, the sun will not be clear. Comfortable for those who get in their accounts from customers.
  3. An unlucky day for a third marriage, except under particularly advisable circumstances.
  4. The cardinal points agree with this number. The moon effulgent, if bright; but enveloped in an atmospheric duberosity, if opaque clouds appear overhead.
  5. The sun will be in his meridian at 12 o’ clock this day! More or less rain or fair weather.
  6. Twelfth day. The knights of the round-table will preside over it. The sun will revolve on his axis the whole of this day.
  7. Those who have their 14th child born this day may look forward to an increase of their expenses. Weather so-so.
  8. A queer day for insolvents.
  9. Very unlucky for shipwrecked seamen.
  10. Tally. Cheering prospects for those looking up in the world.
  11. Weather profusely wet, if very rainy.
  12. Frosty, if sufficiently cold.
  13. An ominous number! Be cautious not to sit down 13 to dinner, if there be any old lady present who would object to it.
  14. Sunny, if the bright luminary of the day throws out a sufficiency of his beams, and they reach the earth.
  15. Beware of doing anything this day which you may repent tomorrow.
  16. Both lucky and unlucky.
  17. Frosty, if a dry cold atmosphere.
  18. Weather warm, if the sun be powerful.
  19. Fortunate or otherwise.
  20. Talley the second. The moon in her due course.
  21. A new tally. Lucky for tradesmen with an increase of business coming in this day.
  22. Weather fair, if there be no drawback.
  23. Fair weather, if not showery or foggy.
  24. Cold or warm as it may be.
  25. Fortunate or otherwise.
  26. The sun’s perpendicular rays illumine many parts of the earth this day.
  27. Many deaths will occur.
  28. The moon in her due course. A fortunate day for many.
  29. Frost may still be expected.
  30. Fair weather, or as it may be.
  31. More or less rain or fair weather.

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The Essex Standard, and General Advertiser for the Eastern Counties, Friday 28 December 1838

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Filed under Displays of wit, Supernatural or Superstitious

The writer escaped this time

PERILS OF A JOURNALIST.

A writer having attacked vehemently, in a New York journal, a place of dubious reputation in the town, he received in reply to his remarks an anonymous letter advising him to desist from those proceedings, but took no notice of the warning except to continue his literary crusade. A day or two afterwards, as he was sitting in the office of the newspaper, enter to him a ferocious-looking individual armed with a club, and demanding “Where is the editor?”

With considerable presence of mind the receiver of the visit concluded what was the object of his visitor, and asked him to sit down and read the papers while he went in search of the editor. Once out of the room he made for the street door; but here encountered another rough looking stranger also armed with a bludgeon, and demanding in still more furious tones “Where is the editor?” Here the native wit of the New Yorker had a real opportunity for showing itself, and he directed the second intruder to the room he had himself just left, telling him he would find the editor there reading the papers. The result was a tremendous conflict between the two visitors, each of whom was convinced he had to do with an unusually muscular and determined man of letters.

While the struggle was proceeding the intended victim of the agression was quietly bringing the police upon the scene, who, when they arrived, found the combatants quite sufficiently exhausted by their efforts to be easily captured and led off to prison. The incident exemplified once more the superiority of mind over matter and of wit over brute force. But though the writer escaped this time, the affair shows that writing for the Press has its perils in New York.

The Royal Cornwall Gazette Falmouth Packet, Cornish Weekly News, & General Advertiser Friday 2 August 1878

Note: ‘agression’ is shown as in the original


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Filed under Displays of wit, Narrow Escapes, Violent Episodes